Fishing For Trouble
by SOUPDAKITTI
Summary: If you could control how people feel around you, what would you do? Would you use your gift wisely? Or would you allow yourself to be bribed into the most evilest of acts... Even though it promises to be most amusing? Totally OOC.
1. Of Kitty Stickers

**Disclaimer**

SOUPDAKITTI in no way owns the Twilight franchise, if they did they wouldn't be writing fanfiction! Twilight of course belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Chapter 1**

Emmett's POV

I was bored... I needed something to do, someone to prank. I needed an accomplice!! I had a totally awesome idea.... watch out Carlisle. *cackles evilly*

Jasper's POV

I looked around and saw no-one... I looked lovingly at my scrap book; inside it was an amazing collection of hello kitty stickers.

Emmett's POV

"Behold the greatness that is I, nancy boy!!" I shouted as I entered Jazzy's room. I held up the Hello kitty stickers I had and then the lighter. I watched as Jazzy cowered in the corner dry sobbing. "Quit crying you Douchebag!! I will make a deal with you!!! Now listen closely."

Bribery I thought to myself, what a marvelous thing it was.

Jazzy's POV

Oh gosh I thought to myself... Emmett's gonna bribe me with hello kitty stickers. How could I resist??

"So Emmett" I said. "Lets talk about a deal, what do you want and what's in it for me??"

"Heh, well Scarlet, let's talk prank time... And for you, well, lets just say that your oh so precious stickers wont find their way into the hands of a certain individual" Emmet's eyes glimmered like the fires of a thousand hells. I knew then, I knew that if he had half the chance, he'd do it. I had no choice... Emmet owned me now...


	2. Necessitating A Bribe

**Disclaimer**

SOUPDAKITTI in no way owns the Twilight franchise, if they did they wouldn't be writing fanfiction! Twilight of course belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**Chapter 2**

**Emmett's POV**

"So Jazzy, here's the plan…. You and I are going to prank Carlisle!! We have to get him back for all the times he has blamed me for something I did not do." I had to wonder why Jasper looked confused after I said that.

"Ok, Jazzy boy listen up! This plan is so brilliant it won't even take a rocket scientist to figure out that you did it and not me!" Oh shit! I said too much, back track quick! "I mean, that we'll never get caught!!"

Jasper boy looked a tad bit suspicious. So I held up the wad of kitty stickers. It was like watching someone kick a puppy. Panic slowly spread through Jaspers features. He unwittingly gave out a small whimper. Heh, am I good or what?! I gave him a top notch evil grin, you know, the one I'd been practicing in the mirror whenever Rose was 'putting on her face'

"Now, you know how Papa Carlisle always finds that nasty 'evidence' that I'm always behind certain absolutely hilarious pranks... "

At this Jasper rolled his eyes. The nerve!! I slowly peeled off one of the stickers and stuck it to my forehead. His eyes went as huge as plates!

"Emmet, you lug!! Those are collectables!!" Oh yeah! This was almost as fun as the absolutely cool plan I had in mind. I couldn't help myself, the beats called! I hopped up on Jaspers work bench and did my 'I'm-The-Most-Genius-Vampire-Alive' dance. For some reason it looked a lot like those dances done by girls in rapper music videos... You know the ones where there is a lot of the shaking of the butts... Hmmm... Not a good idea while wearing Dora the explorer shorts. Jasper had passed out from sheer awesomeness overdose. Oh well.

10 minutes later

"Dear God!! The Pain!! Make it stop!! Make it go away!!"

Oh-Kay! Now Jazzy boy was mumbling to himself... Maybe he can't handle the sexiness that is I? Oh well, I can't use him like this. I grabbed him up by his pleated shirt and bitch slapped him into to next week.

"Ok Jazzy boy, you ready to find out how you going to liberate these poor little Hello Kitty stickers from the incinerator?"

I waited for him to nod his head. He did, after awhile...

"Heh. Now, Papa Carlisle has wrongly accused me on many an occasion for devious acts that I hereby swear I never committed" I quickly crossed my fingers behind my back as I said this "I am not an unreasonable vampire. I want but one thing... Revenge!! Unfortunately, the revenge I seek can only be achieved by a combination of powers. My Awesomeness and your Mumbo Jumbo!!"

I loved that Jazzy boy got affected by peoples emotions. I could already see that my exuberance was affecting him.

"First we are going to infiltrate deeply into the mind that is Carlisle! We're going to do this by following his every movement! Track his every breath! We will know everything there is to know about the man we call father! And when we have shaken him suitably... We will do the unthinkable, cross a line that has never been thought to cross! Oh Jazzy boy you're going to love this!! You're going to use every bit of that mumbo jumbo that you were unborn with! You will go down in prank history!!"

His eyes were lighted from within; every bit of my excitement became his excitement. If he had a heart that worked it would have been thumping.

"What is it?! What are we going to do??"

I smirked at him...

"Tell me Jazzy boy, what do you know about fish...?"


	3. Oh For The Love Of

This is a _fanfiction… _This means that due to a misunderstanding with the publishers Edward doesn't belong to us… Yet.

Characters do of course belong to the lovely Mrs Meyer…

Chapter 3

Life at the good hospital Forks was getting a little tedious, what with the frequent visits from Bella, screaming werewolves and the now obvious stalking by Emmet and Jasper... Those boys were up to something... What was yet to be seen? My super human hearing did detect something about a herring, but they sensed me before I could hear more...

Something was definitely up! I could feel it in my water. This morning Alice started randomly choking on her deer with an oddly distant look on her face. She wouldn't look me in the eye after that and for some odd reason so couldn't Edward... Esme says it's a phase and that it will pass... My, what happened to my cute children!! Why are they so rebellious?! Am I a bad father??

I was really starting to wonder about Emmet and Jasper. To say that their behavior was odd over the last couple of days would be like saying Edward was only moderately good looking. Now, don't get me wrong, as harsh as it sounds, I expect this behavior from Emmet to an extent. The fact that Jasper had somehow been pulled into whatever they were up to set my teeth on edge.

God, what if it was a cult… We'd just got Emmet over that bad bout with Gothic Catholic Mormonism. A religion of his own design… Gothic because he thinks Goths are hot, Catholism because they don't believe in contraceptives, and finally Mormonism – He could have his own harem of wives!! It was a close thing, Rose nearly killed him! The thought that he had somehow involved Jasper was enough to make me cringe… Alice may be tiny, but harmless she was not!

I looked behind me, yep; they were still hiding in the foliage. I wonder if they are aware that full black suits tend to stand out against the emerald green that made up the forests of Forks. Dear God, I do believe that Emmet is even wearing a bow tie… How on earth am I going to explain this to Esme? I shook my head. Maybe Rose dropped him on the head as a newborn?

I slowly got behind the wheel of my beloved Mercedes Benz. My neck felt hot under the pressure of their stares. I ran my hand over the taunt black leather that made up the seats. Perfection. It was the second best invention in my 300 years of unlife. The first being showers. You can say what you will about vampirism, but in my vast experience, life before the shower was unbearable! Try to imagine having super senses in the presence of people who believe that washing will cause the plague!

Not.

Pleasant.

My kind often wonder why I chose the path I did. I let them believe it's my empathy. The truth is even then, the thought of biting into THAT was enough to convert me to the joys of fauna. Hell, back then even biting into a plagued rat would be better than the unwashed masses.

I shook my head vigorously. I had to get to the grocery store, now was not the time to reminisce about the filth of previous centuries. Bella needed food. As I drove through Forks I sometimes caught black glimpses of Jasper or Emmet as they ran through the forest to keep up with me. Not for the first time I wished I had Edwards mind reading gift. I would love to know what was going through their minds!

I eased into the parking lot of the grocery store, my Mercedes purring as it came to a halt.

"That's right baby. Be a good girl" I whispered lovingly.

The door jingled as I went in. Food. Hmmm… Something nutritious perhaps? Bella was looking a bit pallid. I wondered over to the veg section picking up a basket along the way, Bella would like something green? I haphazardly selected a vegetable. Cucumber. We didn't have these when I was growing up. Then again, we didn't have much of anything when I was growing up.

Potatoes.

Now that we did have.

And bread.

You could survive a long time on those two.

It was then that I heard it… The sleek purr of my beloved Mercedes' engine gunning up in the parking lot. For a millisecond I forgot my self and sped to the shop window.

Those bastards!

I looked around quickly. Too many witnesses.

Those Bastards! They stole my car!!


End file.
